Tiger Lily
by florgurl
Summary: A story about Lily's life, spanning from her fifth year to her death. OotP spoilers, and maybe spoilers from the other books in future chapters. Oh yeah, and lots of JamesLily goodness!
1. Introduction

**A/N**: I originally wrote this as an audition piece for the role of Lily a Marauder era Harry Potter RP community on LiveJournal. I decided not to join the community though. So, here's what could be an excerpt from the diary of Lily Evans.

I originally planned for this to be a one-shot, but one of my friends told me to continue it, hence the multiple chapters! The next chapter takes place the year following this, so I'm using this mainly as an introduction to set up the mood for the rest of the story.

Enjoy!

* * *

June 1976

That arrogant idiot James Potter! Will he ever grow up? I doubt it. He and his three friends simply love to entertain themselves at others' expense. They're stupid idiots, the lot of them.

Today they tormented their favorite culprit: Severus Snape, or "Snivellus" as they prefer to call him. It was after we had taken out O.W.L.S. for Defense against the Dark Arts. Most of the students went to the front lawn for fresh air. I went and stood by the lake with some of the other girls. Potter and his friends stood under the beech tree near by. Not five minutes had passed when I heard them bullying Snape. I turned to see Snape choking on the soapsuds that were coming out of his mouth.

I looked at James to see him and his friends laughing. "Leave him alone!" I shouted at them.

James turned to me and replied with a haughty "All right, Evans?"

And so it went, James torturing Snape, me begging him to stop, and James replying that he would only stop if I would go out with him, the arrogant, pig-headed, jerk.

I'd had enough when James turned Snape over, dangling in the air, robes hanging over his head. Gosh, where are the teachers when you need them most?

I shouted at James to leave Snape alone as loud as I could, pulling out my own wand.

"Ah, Evans," he replied," Don't make me hex you!"

One moment the idiot wants me to go out with him. The next he is threatening to hex me! Is that supposed to make me want to go out with him? The boy is so stupid!

James stopped tormenting Snape. Snape yelled that...that he didn't need...mudbloods...like me to defend him. I turned to him and said, "Fine, I won't bother in the future. And if I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

James yelled at Snape, demanding that he apologize to me. I informed him that I didn't need him to make Snape apologize to me.

Even though I detest Snape, I don't like the way James and his friends treat him. No human deserves to be treated that way! But of course, we mustn't forget, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are above all other humans! Or so they like to think. I can't stand any of them.

I still can't believe that Snape called me a...mudblood. He's called me that before, so I'm not thoroughly shocked, but my gosh! I was trying to help him! See if I ever do that again.

It's not like I have much support back at home anyway. Mum and Dad were ecstatic at first, but are now wishing I were at home more. When I am at home, they are so thrilled to see me that they hardly ever let me out of their sight. Petunia has come to resent me, and ignores me as much as she can. My Muggle friends feel betrayed by me and ask how I can expect them to want me around during the holidays, when I don't write or call them while I'm at my "boarding school". It's not like I don't want to stay in touch with them, I just don't want to answer all their questions when an owl arrives at their breakfast table, carrying a letter from me and demanding a piece of toast. I often find myself thinking that maybe life would be easier had I remained a Muggle.

Well, it's getting late, so I'd better go to sleep.  
Lily Evans


	2. Chapter 1: January 1977

January 1977

Wow. Where do I begin? Shock has settled over the entire school. I never imagined something like this could happen. I guess I should start at the beginning.

We knew something big had happened, or was going to happen. Reports of mysterious deaths were beginning to show up in the Daily Prophet. The deaths all seemed unrelated at first, but as the continued, the Ministry of Magic began to notice a pattern. The witches and wizards being killed had one thing in common: Muggle relationships. All the victims were either Muggle born, or related to Muggles in other ways. As time went on, the Muggle news began reporting mysterious deaths as well. The Ministry noticed that the Muggles being killed were all either related to a witch or wizard, or squibs. One article in the Prophet said that the Ministry had sent ambassadors to help the Muggle government try to solve the mystery of the deaths.

A few Hogwarts students have lost friends and family in these deaths. I remember a class in which Professor Dumbledore stepped in and asked to see Anna Walsh. Anna's mother is a Muggle, her father a wizard. I later found her in the dormitory, crying. When I asked what was wrong she told me her parents had died. I hugged her and began to cry too. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose you parents. She left the next day and was gone for a week.

Today, at the end of every class, the teacher would tell us to be in the Great Hall promptly at six o'clock that evening; Dumbledore had an announcement. We all hoped that the cause of the deaths had been solved, and they would cease.

We were only halfway right.

There is a Dark Wizard on the rise. He goes by the name Lord Voldemort. His goal is to purify the Wizarding race. He wants all witches or wizards with Muggle blood in them dead.

He wants me dead.

He won't stop killing until he thinks the Wizarding race had been restored to its purity.

I'm Muggle born! I'm not pure! He wants me dead!

Voldemort is also killing Muggles who are related to magic people, or unknowingly come from a line of squibs.

My family! He wants my family dead!

At this point, I looked around the hall to see the expressions on the other student's faces. Some were crying; Anna was sobbing next to me. I put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her, fighting back my own tears. Most students were wearing blank or unbelieving expressions. A few, such as Bellatrix Black and Severus Snape, were smirking, obviously please.

When I saw the smirks I felt like I would throw up. Who would be pleased by news like this? How could anyone be demented and malevolent enough to wish for something like this?

The Great Hall was quiet for a few minutes. It was the first time I had seen Dumbledore look as if he didn't know what to say.

I couldn't fight back the tears any longer. They flowed freely down my face. Anna was shaking.

Finally Dumbledore's voice filled the Hall again; a voice full of sorrow and compassion, a voice that brought comfort and reassurance.

"You will all be safe here, I will make sure of that," he said. "If you ever feel the need to come here during the holidays, or even after you've graduated, you will be more than welcome. Hogwarts will always be safe. Goodnight."

He wants me dead. He wants my family dead. He wants me dead. He wants my family dead.

I cannot get those thoughts out of my mind. The scream at me constantly and will not leave me alone. Why would someone want this? How could anyone be this evil? It sounds like World War II all over again, the purification of a race. Will he decide to go further once his goal is reached and kill all Muggles, leaving only pureblood wizards on this earth? Why? What kind of soul would someone have to have to want something like this? All the innocent lives that have been lost; that will be lost. I can't even begin t imagine.

Today has been long and horrible.

I have a feeling there will be a lot more like it.


	3. Chapter 2: March 1977

**Perri:** The day I turn Lily into a "supermodelbitch" is the day I die. I'm trying to avoid all Lily-stereotypes in this, and create a new view of her. She's not going to become a supermodelbitch, education-centric Hermione figure, Hogwarts whore, Snape's lover, secretly obsessed withJames,or anything like that. She is going to be Lily; one hundred percent pure Lily. Glad to find someone else who's sick of all the Lily-cliches!

**Phaidra:** Glad you like it! I'm going to try and update FGCS sometime either this month, or next month. I know it's been forever since I've written for it! I'm going to try to pick it back up soon.

---

March 1977

Oh, no! Oh, no no no no no! Why? Why me? Why now?

Today during Transfiguration, Dumbledore stepped into the room. Everyone fell silent, we all knew what this meant: someone had lost a friend or relative. Who would it be this time?

"Minerva, I would like to speak with Lily Evans and James Potter, please."

_Oh goh no! Wait…Dumbledore has never called two people out before. Maybe there wasn't a death,_ I thought.

As James and I collected our books Dumbledore added "And Sirius Black, I would like for him to come to."

What in the world did Dumbledore need with James, Sirius, and I? James and Sirius often got pulled out of classes to receive punishment for something they had pulled off. Why was I with them this time? My mind was racing.

"Ton Tongue Toffee,"(1) Dumbledore said as we reached the gargoyle statue. The gargoyle sprang to the side to reveal a staircase spiraling upwards. At the top was Dumbledore's office. It was a large, round room, very cluttered, and filled with several portraits of previous headmasters and headmistresses. Dumbledore conjured up three cushioned chairs. "Please, have a seat," he said as he took his seat behind his desk.

James began talking at once. "Professor! If this has anything to do with the doxies in Professor Binns' room, I swear, Sirius and I had nothing to do with it!"

_Yeah right, _I thought, with a disbelieving smirk.

Sirius noticed the smirk and took it the wrong way. "Evans!" He said, shocked, "Did you do it?"

"Evans?" James questioned, just as surprised at the thought, "How? You've never done anything like that!" He turned back to Dumbledore, "Professor! If Evans did it, why are Sirius and I here? Do you thing we helped her?"

"I would have loved to have helped!" Sirius exclaimed, "Congratulations, Evans! How come you didn't ask us to help?"

If it had been anyone else, I would have laughed. Since it was James and Sirius, I was annoyed. "Why in the world would you think that I would do something like that?" I asked, with a tone that was probably a little too harsh. I rolled my eyes and looked at Dumbledore.

I could tell that if he wasn't so tired and his eyes weren't so full of sorrow from all the recent events, he would have been laughing at the situation. "Professor, why are we here?" I asked calmly.

Dumbledore sighed as if he didn't want to have to tell us. "James, I know you and Sirius didn't put the doxies in Professor Binns' room. The culprit has already been identified. The reason you three are here is because there was a double attack last night…"

_Oh no!_

"…Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, I'm sorry; you both lost your parents."

_OH NO!_ My head began screaming again.

The room was silent for a minute. "My sister?" I finally managed to whisper.

"Your sister is perfectly fine, Miss Evans. She is staying with some friends of hers. It will take a while for her to get over the shock and through the mourning, but I have every confidence that she will."

I nodded, on the verge of tears.

"Professor," James asked with a surprisingly shaky voice, "Where will we stay?"

Then it hit me: I had nowhere to go. How could I expect any of my friends or relatives to understand about Hogwarts? Anna had already lost her parents, so I couldn't stay with her. I lost control; I began sobbing and shaking.

James and Sirius remained silent. Sirius! Why was he here? He hadn't lost his parents? As if my mind had been read, the question was answered immediately.

"I'm not going back to my parents," Sirius said tonelessly, "I ran away and stayed with James this summer. I'm not going back, no one can make me."

_Why did Sirius run away? _I thought, _what's wrong with his family?_ I know his younger brother is a brat. He is a second year in Slytherin, and though I have had few encounters with them, I can tell he thinks himself to be superior to me. I figure it's a Black trait. That's all I know about his family though.

Through my tears I noticed James looking at me uncertainly; as if he wanted to comfort me, but was unsure of how I would react. I also saw the look of someone who needs to be comforted, but is unsure of how to get it. I know James has liked me since second year, and I've never been able to stand him, but somehow, as we briefly looked into each other's eyes, I felt as if there was a strong connection between us.

Then James turned back to Dumbledore, and asked again, "Where will we stay?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath. "We are going to keep Hogwarts open during the summer for students who need a place to stay. Several faculty members have volunteered to stay to take care of those who need a place to be."

"Can I…" Sirius began, but he didn't seem to be able to finish.

"Yes, you may stay here too. I know about your family and have told the teachers. It was for this reason that I called you in here with Miss Evans and Mr. Potter."

Sirius' face relaxed some and he nodded, "Thank you, Professor," he said quietly.

I had to stop crying. I had to get control over myself. There was so much I needed to know, and I would have no way of finding out if I couldn't talk.

"My sister," I choked out, "I want to see my sister."

"I knew you would, Miss Evans. The Ministry sent someone to her to explain how your parents were killed. I'm afraid she made it very clear that she doesn't want to see you."

Forget not crying, this was unbearable. My parents are dead; my sister wants nothing to do with me. What could be worse?

---

I've gotten over the shock of my parent's death. It still hurts, and I still cry at night sometimes, but the shock is over.

Dumbledore allowed the three of us a week from Hogwarts. We all attended both funerals. My parent's funeral was first. It was interesting to see the difference between Muggle and Wizard funerals.

James' parents seem to have been very lovely people from what I heard about them. I've actually grown closer to James and Sirius through this, something I never thought would happen.

Petunia made a point of ignoring me as much as she could. I wish she had let me talk to her. She seems to think that it's my fault, that if I weren't a witch, none of this would have happened. I'm not sure if that's true or not. Would Voldemort have killed my parents if I weren't a witch? Perhaps we have magic blood in us from generations ago; perhaps he would have come after my family anyway. James said she will probably get around to making contact with me eventually. I'm not so sure, once Petunia gets an idea in her head, it stays there, whether it's a good idea or not. I have a feeling that this will be the end of our relationship. I hope not though. I hope James is right, and I am wrong. However, we don't always get what we hope.

---

(1) www(dot)knight2king(dot)net A website for a very interesting theory about the significance of the Chess Game in _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone_. Part of the theory is that Professor Dumbledore is actually Ron Weasley using a Time Turner. There is plenty of evidence to support the theory. If this is true, then Dumbledore would have known what a Ton Tongue Toffee was. The Website is very interesting, and I encourage you to visit it!


	4. Chapter 3: April 1977

April 1977

A couple of days ago I sent Petunia a letter. Nothing fancy, just a casual letter telling her how I'm doing and checking in on her. She's living with one of her friends, I'm not sure if it's permanent or temporary though. I was hoping that she wouldn't be angry with me, that she would write me back as a sister. We used to write each other often while I was at school. During fifth year she began to distance herself from me. Her letter became less and less frequent and more and more brief. Last term she didn't write me at all. I was hoping that she would reply with a letter like her old ones.

Today I received this:

_Lily,_

_Please do not write me again. I thought I made it clear to you at the funeral that I want nothing to do with you or your abnormality. Apparently I didn't._

_I doubt my mind will change, but if it does, I will contact you._

_Petunia Evans_

I had to read it several times before the world fully sank in and became reality. I tried so hard not to cry, I knew this would probably happen, and I'd been doing too much crying lately already. I couldn't hold back the tears though. As I sat alone in the common room, I began to cry.

I heard the portrait hole open and the voice of James Potter say, "Yeah, hold on guys, I need to get a few things. Wait for me in the Great Hall.

I heard his footsteps head towards the stairs to the boys' dormitory, stop suddenly, and then begin to walk towards me. "Evans?" he said cautiously.

He came and knelt down in front of where I was sitting, still holding the letter. He reached up and placed a hand on my arm. For once, I didn't pull away. "Evans, are you alright?"

I handed him the letter, still crying, though not as hard. His hand seemed to provide a since of comfort and protection. He took the letter and read it to himself as he moved to sit beside me on the couch. I could tell he was reading the letter several times. "The wench," he finally whispered. He put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him whispering, "It's not your fault, Lily. It's not your fault."

I clung to him for life. I'm not sure how long we stayed there. Just last month if you had told me that someday I would cry in the arms of James Potter, I would have laughed at them. I have been seeing a new side of him lately, and I like it.

Suddenly my stomach growled loudly. Just then Remus Lupin walked through the portrait hole. "Hey James, are you coming to supper?" he asked, then noticed me and added, "Is everything okay?"

I wiped my face with the back of my hand and nodded. Everything seemed much better now, not good, but better. James turned to me, "Do you want to go down?" he asked, "I'll stay with you if you want me to."

"I'll go down," I whispered.

As the three of us walked to the Great Hall, I held James' hand. Remus noticed, and I saw him wink at James.

I smiled, I didn't care.


	5. Chapter 4: July 1977

July 1977

End of term exams went well. I'm dreading next year; we have to take our NEWTS. Oh joy.

It's been wonderful living at Hogwarts this summer. There are eight of us here, and we're pretty much allowed to do whatever we want, as long as it within the normal school rules, of course. The teachers have been great, they'll talk to us whenever we need someone to talk to, and they'll joke around with us a lot as well.

The people staying, other than James, Sirius, and I, are a third year Ravenclaw, Judith Brooks, a fourth year Hufflepuff, Amanda Willis, first year Hufflepuff twins, Michael and Gwynette Roberts, and fifth year Ravenclaw, Faramir Grant. Yes, Faramir, his sister's name was Arwen. He's like me; his parents and sister were Muggles. He told me his parents were big fans of the Muggle _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy. Poor kid, everyone calls him Farrie.

It's really interesting to talk with everyone and hear their stories. Michael and Gwynette come from a very mixed family, on both sides. Gwynn said it's a family joke that when someone is pregnant, every puts money on whether it will be Magic or Muggle; you never can tell. Apparently it's been that way for generations. She said almost all her aunts, uncles, and cousins were killed as well.

Anna writes me often. She's living with some of her parents' friends. She seems to be doing well. I can't wait for school to start so I can see her.

I spend most of my time exploring the castle with Sirius and James. They're always making notes and checking for hidden passageways, secret rooms, and other things like that. I can tell they're up to something, but they won't tell me what. They just assure me that I won't get in trouble. I hope they're right.

I wrote it. I promised myself I wouldn't use that word anymore. Last time I did, everything turned our horribly wrong. I can't hope anymore. Hope has died for me.

Farewell, Hope.

---

Surprise, surprise! James asked me out the other day. This is what, the one hundred and twenty-ninth time since first year?

Surprise, surprise! This time I said yes.

A couple of the teachers are taking the eight of us to Hogsmeade for a chance to get away from the castle. Even the twins are allowed to go. I can already hear them bragging about it to their friends when term starts.

It's hard to believe that this will be my last year here! So much has happened at Hogwarts; so many memories have been made. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life after I graduate. I know what career I want to pursue; I want to work as a healer at St. Mungo's, but what do I want to do with my life?

---

Hogsmeade was fun. I was afraid James would take me to that awful Pudifoot place so many Hogwarts students seem so fond of. Thankfully he didn't, I think I would have killed him if he had. It would be a shame to have to kill him just when I was starting to like him.

To be honest, I don't think I would have done anything differently at Hogsmeade if we hadn't been on "a date". I didn't mind, though I was very surprised that he didn't try to kiss me. Really, I think I prefer it that way. I want to build a strong friendship with him before getting romantically involved. I have no idea if that's why he didn't make any moves, or if he's just scared that I would have slapped him as hard as I could, like I've done when he's flirted with me in the past…

Yeah, it was most likely the latter.

I'm worried that when school starts back and everyone returns, he'll go back to being the way he was before; a stuck-up arrogant jerk. Maybe not, from what I saw, he really acted better last year than he did through first year. Maybe he really is becoming more mature. I hope(1) think he has, I don't want to lose him.

I hope want this change to be permanent. I've had my hear broken twice this year already, I don't want it broken again

---

Why can't I stop using the word hope? Why does so much seem to depend on it? I wish things could be for certain and I didn't have to rely on hope so much.

Hope always fails me.

---

(1) The hopes in the last two paragraphs of the penultimate section are supposed to be struck out. However, the FF.n editor doesn't support strike outs, so I had to deal with just underlining them. Oh well...


	6. Chapter 5: October 1977

October 1977

Tattoos. The tattoos are beginning to show up around the school. They're horrible tattoos of a snake coming out the mouth of a skull. They're called the Dark Mark and the followers of Voldemort wear them. It's rumored that several of the Slytherins have them, though they hide them so they are rarely caught. Dumbledore caught Evan Rosier and Rabastan Lestrange wearing them, and they have both been expelled.

I have only seen the tattoo once. I went to the girl's room, and when I walked in Bellatrix was showing hers to a fifth year Slytherin girl I didn't know. Bellatrix noticed me staring at it as the other girl laughed delightedly. She glared at me.

"Is that it?" I whispered, "Is that what everyone has been talking about?"

"Yes it is!" She replied sharply, "Do you have something to say about it?"

I hesitated, unsure of how to react. Here was a girl my age, supporting the death of my parents, supporting the death of hundreds of innocent people, supporting hundreds more deaths to come. I wanted to scream, not from fear, but from the inability to comprehend what was happening. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I turned to get Dumbledore.

"Where are you going Evans? Don't you like it?" She paused before adding in mock sympathy, "Oh wait, I forgot. He got your parents, didn't he?"

I turned around to face her. "How can you? How can you support such hate?" I felt tears come to my eyes as a whispered the words. I blinked them back. _Oh, goh no,_ I thought, _don't cry again, Lily, not here, not now._

"Oh, but it's not hate," she said as she began to walk closer to me. "It's love: love and dedication to the pure magic world." She stopped a few inches in front of me. I met her eyes with mine; not wanting to show that what she was saying was affecting me in any way. She lowered her voice, "But being a mudblood, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"How dare you," I whispered.

Bellatrix seemed pleased with herself. "Oh, and in case you're thinking of telling anyone, the Dark Lord would be more than please to rid the world of your sister."

"You wouldn't," I said.

"Oh, wouldn't I love to," she replied, smiling.

The fifth year was laughing behind her.

I turned and left, unable to take anymore. As I headed for the Gryffindor common room, I ran into Sirius. I must have had a troubled look on my face. "What's wrong?" he asked.

I told him what had happened. I thought he should know since Bellatrix was his cousin. He closed his eyes. "I'm not surprised," he said. "I knew it would happen sooner or later."

I looked at him, confused.

"Oh," he said uncertainly, "I though James would have told you by now."

"Told me what?"

"Why I ran away from home last summer."

"He hasn't."

Sirius sighed. It was the kind of sigh that tell you the person is about to talk about something they don't want to.

"My family, they're pureblood fanatics, the whole lot of them. Not a drop of Muggle blood anywhere; at least, not in my immediate family. I have some cousins who have Muggle blood in them, but they aren't really considered family anymore. As soon as anyone shows a sign of not thinking the Magic race is superior, they're disowned. I was disowned last summer."

"Wow," I said, "I'm so sorry. Are they all Voldemort supporters?"

"No. Most of them are just ancient pureblood enthusiasts. It's mainly just my generation that supports Voldemort; Bellatrix, Narcissa, my brother."

"I knew about your cousins taking pride in being pureblooded, I didn't realize it was your whole family, nor that any of them would take it so far."

"Lily, that's what most of Voldemort's supporters are: pureblood enthusiasts who have taken it way too far."

We reached the portrait and walked into the common room. James, Peter, Anna, Remus, and Alice were sitting at a table together. It looked as if they had started doing homework, but were now just goofing around.

"Tell you what, Lily," Sirius said, "James and I will make a surprise appearance at the next Black family reunion and kill her for you."

I laughed. James turned to look at us, "Who are we killing? Oh, hello Lily."

"Bellatrix," Sirius said.

"Hello, James," I said.

"I'd be more than happy to help!" James said, smiling.

I laughed again as we sat down at the table with them. "You two are both imbeciles. You do realize that, don't you?"

"Of course we are!" Sirius said, "The world wouldn't be the perfect place it is if we weren't!"

Alice let out a fake snort of disbelief. "It would be even more perfect if Bellatrix weren't on it!"


	7. Chapter 6: December 1977

December 1977

Invisibility cloaks are beautiful things.

Mistletoe is a beautiful thing.

Invisibility cloaks and mistletoe together is a very beautiful thing.

Christmas is a week away and there is mistletoe all over the castle. Most of the time it's ignored unless the people under it want to kiss, or someone loudly points out that two people are under it and a crowd gathers before they can escape. It's made for quite a few hilarious moments.

Just today Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were walking to lunch together. Dumbledore dropped something and McGonagall stopped while he picked it up. It was Frank Longbottom who noticed the mistletoe above them. "Hey everybody!" he yelled loudly, "Dumbledore and McGonagall are under the mistletoe!"

The two professors and several students looked up in surprise to see if he was right. Sure enough, he was. The teachers look aghast. Students from every house came running to see; you could almost feel the stampede.

The professors just stood there, McGonagall with a socked look on her face, and Dumbledore with his eyes twinkling more than usual. "Are you going to make us wait all day?" someone shouted.

"I will have no such nonsense!" McGonagall said in a flustered voice.

"Oh, come on!" yelled a familiar voice. I looked up to see Sirius with his hands cupped around his mouth. James was standing next to him, wearing a huge grin. "Come on!" Sirius repeated, "Show us some love!"

Everyone laughed.

"Minerva," Dumbledore said, "where is you're Christmas spirit?"

A few people began clapping. Then, much to everyone's surprise and delight, Dumbledore slipped and arm around McGonagall's waist, bent her back into a deep dip, and kissed her right on the lips. McGonagall came up blushing, and Dumbledore laughing as the students burst into applause, laughter, and cheers.

Yes, mistletoe is a beautiful thing.

But what about invisibility cloaks?

I was sitting in a chair by the fire in the common room, physically wrapped in a blanket, and mentally wrapped in A Wind in the Door, a beautiful American Muggle book by Madeline L'Engle. James walked in and sat on a couch next to the chair I was in. "Hello," I said, smiling at him.

"Come here," he replied, "I have something to show you."

I put my book down and moved to the couch where he was. He pulled something out of the bag he had with him. It looked like some sort of cloak, but not like any cloak I had ever seen before. "What is it?" I asked.

He stood up, put it on, and immediately disappeared. I gasped. "An invisibility cloak," he answered as he took it off and reappeared.

"Oh wow," I breathed, "how did you get it?"

"It's been in the family for generations. My parents gave it to me before I left for Hogwarts."

"Wow," I said again.

"Have you ever seen Hogwarts by night?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Come with me then."

He took my hand and pulled me off the couch. He threw the cloak over us, slipped his arm around my waist, and together we walked out of Gryffindor Tower. We walked through several halls and up several flights of stairs. I wondered where he was taking me. The castle was so quiet and peaceful, and it felt so mysterious with the only light coming from the tip of his wand. Without the rush of numerous students trying to get to classes on time, dropping things, and yelling at each other across the halls, I was able to take in the full beauty and majesty of Hogwarts for the first time since I came here when I was eleven. We didn't talk, it seemed like it would have been wrong to break the silence of the castle. The castle needs sleep just as much as the people living in it do.

He led me to a tower I had never been to before. There were two windows on opposite sides of the tower. Looking out from the one I first saw, you could see almost all of Hogwarts bathing under the light of the moon and stars. James removed the cloak and took his arm from around my waist. I turned around and walked to the window on the other side of the room. I place my elbows on the windowsill and held my chin in my hand. James came and stood next to me.

Out of this window I could see the grounds, all the way to the Forbidden Forest. The light of the moon illuminated everything in a blue iridescent glow. "What do you think?" James asked.

I turned to look at him. "It's wonderful!" I said, "I love it!"

James smiled, "I thought you would."

"When did you find this tower?" I asked.

"Second year, back when Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I could all fit under the cloak. We would explore the castle by night quite often."

I laughed at the thought of all four of them under the cloak together. I looked up to see the stars and noticed something hanging from the window. "Look up," I said, smiling at James.

When he did, a look that could have been shock, confusion, joy, or all three together was on his face. "Mistletoe? Who would have put mistletoe up here?"

"I don't know," I answered, "but I'm glad they did."

He looked down at me. The surprise on his face was evident; nonetheless, he moved in to kiss me.

Our lips met for a few seconds, beautiful seconds.

As the kiss ended three words escaped my mouth. I didn't even realize I had said them until after they were out. "I love you."

And right then, I realized I did.

He smiled and kissed my forehead before repeating the words back to me. H wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, my forehead against his neck. We stayed that way for a while, and occasionally he would kiss my face, before going back to Gryffindor Tower. We kissed again as we went to our separate dormitories. The other girls were asleep when I got there. I guess I'll be answering all their "where were you last night?" questions tomorrow as they pack to leave for Christmas break.

I think I've loved James for a while, I just haven't realized it. It's a relief to know it.

I really needed this night. Maybe there is still hope in life after all.


End file.
